Frozen Fire presents: Don't Pet the Kitty
by Master Fifer
Summary: Just a wacky thing my friend Liger Zero nightmare and I thought up. Bobby and Johnny express their annoyance to Kitty in rather unusual ways... Kitty lovers are warned.
1. Chapter 1

Frozen Fire presents: Don't Pet the Kitty

This was a crazy idea my friend Liger Zero Nightmare (Bobby aka Iceman) and I, Master Fifer, (Johnny aka Pyro) were thinking of one day, and possessed the will power to actually write it down. BTW: we love the X-Men (Go Angel and Nightcrawler! WOOO!) but hate Kitty or Shadowcat. There is something about her that makes us sick… BE WARNED KITTY LOVERS. WE DO NOT "PET THE KITTY" IN THIS STORY. SHE WILL NOT BE HAPPY WITH THIS. If anyone knows Kitty, we would recommend not letting her see this. Thanx. Oh, and tell her to change her litter box.

My friend, Bobby, is laughing very hard in the corner. Hehehehehe… Without further ado, we give you "Don't Pet the Kitty."

Sincerely,

Pyro and Iceman.

PS, some of it is in diary form. Bobby's entries are in bold. You have been warned.

DON'T PET THE KITTY

Dear Diary,

To be honest, the first day I saw Kitty, I was very polite. I said a friendly hello and then complimented the child growing within her with a, "Congrats on the baby." She turned and looked at me oddly, while saying,

"I'm sorry were you talking to me?"

Then it was my turn to look at her oddly. I left, muttering about oblivous, stupid, pregnant women.

Pyro

PS, My tongue got frozen to a pole. … in Summer time by Popsicle Hands.

**Dear Diary,**

**The moment I saw her my eyes lit up with a passion.. OF TOTAL DISGUST!**

**How could people allow children to get pregnant at that age? It was disgusting. I lost my appetite. I saw Flaming Torch Wannabe go up to her and compliment on the child, a rare moment of kindness, and she said she wasn't pregnant. …. Oopsies…**

**In other news, I froze Smoky's tongue to a pole. … And it was Summer… I laughed a lot. Hehehehe…**

**Iceman**

**PS, seriously, DON'T freeze your tongues to things… it hurts…**

Johnny leaned over to look at Bobby's paper in history class. Hey, can't a guy catch a peek? He was drawing… a face. Seriously, this kid had issues… Underneath the drawing was the word: KITTY. No wonder it was so hideous! Even if the powers vested in both Da Vinci and Rafael drew Kitty, it would have turned out like the drawing on Bobby's papers.

Bobby looked at him.

"Quit staring! You're cheating!"

"You're not doing anything so I possibly can't cheat! What's the point of stealing answers if you're drawing the Devil."

"It's not the Devil!" Bobby hissed. "It's Kitty."

"Ohhhh… that would explain the vile eyes and disturbing horns."

"Why do you pretend to like her?"

"Why DO YOU?"

"I thought that everyone else did, so I did too."

Johnny looked at Bobby.

"Me TOO. But, you're not supposed to follow the crowd."

"And what are you doing?"

"…. Touche. I have an idea. Meet me after class."

After class had ended forty-five minutes later, Bobby and Johnny met on the fountain.

"What?"

"I've been thinking-"

"Oh my god, I hope you did some warm ups first!"

Johnny glared at him.

"For your information, yes, I did, and thanks for caring."

"I was being sarcastic…"

"No, really? Idiot. Now, we both hate Kitty, right?"

"Yeah."

"And you have the power of ice-"

"DUH."

"LET ME FINISH! The power of ice, and I have the power of fire. So, let's make a group that hates Kitty. We shall call it: Frozen Fire."

Bobby stared at the fire wielder.

"How could one so idiotic make up something so brilliant?"

"I have my ways… I'm still pissed at you for the tongue thing." He crossed his arms defiantly. Bobby just laughed.

Thus, Frozen Fire was created.

It gets funnier, just wait. Trust us… FWHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA-

**Johnny, what have I told you about evil laughter in the house?**

It causes people to stare and think were on to something. Again.

**That's right. Now tell the people the lovely disclaimer you FORGOT in the beginning pharagraph. **

Fine. We don't own X-men. Happy now?

**Quite.**

( sticks out tongue)

**Immature… R & R, pls. Flames will be ignored.**


	2. Shopping is like Mopping

**Check it, people. Here I was in the middle of a bowl of ice cream, when suddenly-**

STOP BORING THE PEOPLE WITH YOUR NONSENSE STORIES, BOBBY!

**THEY'RE NOT NONSENSE! They have some relevance.**

Like what?

……… **Shut up. Anyways, welcome to the second chapter of FROZEN FIRE presents: DON'T PET THE KITTY. I'm your host Bobby-**

And Johnny.

**-and as your charming host Bobby-**

And Johnny.

**-I'm here wishing you many a laugh in this next chapter.**

Me too. So sit back, relax, and laugh.

**And if you have some sort of disease that doesn't allow you to laugh or you'll die ….. sucks for you, man. Enjoy.**

We don't own the X- men.

** SHOPPING IS LIKE MOPPING**

Dear Diary,

WHY DO WE NEED TO GO SHOPPING! It's absurd! Shopping is like mopping, water, Scott, and Kitty. Each one's existence is unnecessary. Seriously! We were DRAGGED (well, okay _I_ was dragged) to Fred Meyer's today. WHAT KIND OF MUTANTS SHOP AT FRED MEYER, AMERICA? Let alone work there! I can see it now. "May I freeze that for you, ma'am?" "And would you like that grilled or burnt to a complete crisp, sir?" Disgusting! Wonder if there's a store called Mutants R Us… Hmmm, I'll look into that…

Pyro

PS: The only good thing about today's trip was I got a Ring Pop. Oh, and some of those candies called Hot Tamales. That was the ONLY good part. Well, the other good part was when Logan tail ended some guy and did a hit and run, but that was absolutely it! You should have seen his face!

**Dear Diary,**

**I love shopping! Shopping is like … TIC TACS! Minty, refreshing, but with a hint of danger… Hey, Tic Tacs can be dangerous! You know that commercial where the lady is juggling them with her tongue? We don't know if she has a license for that! Someone could get an eye poked out, you never know. Anyway, I had to drag John into the car after he refused to come, held onto the door frame, scratched up the ground with his nails, bit me, and threatened to burn my grandmother into an ancient pile of ash. Nice guy, John. Really. Unfortunately, Kitty had to come too, that was the worst part.**

**Um, highlights of the day were when John snuck a Hot Tamale into Logan's soda, a rather embarrasing moment for Kitty, and I got a Darth Vader Pez holder. When you get candy from it it says, "Luke, I am your father." It's awesome! Oh, Logan also tail ended some guy's car and had to do a hit and run! Hilarious!**

**Iceman**

**PS: Don't tell anyone, but I stole Johnny's Ring Pop. Hehehehe…**

Johnny was whining. Again. Who knew someone could whine 24/7 without a minute to breathe!

"Shopping is stupid! It's like mopping. Unnecessary! TOTALLY UNNECESSARY! Why do we have to go? We have everything back at the mansion!"

Logan flicked the wind shield wipers on.

"We only have Frosted Flakes, bananas, whipped cream, and some olives."

"There you go! We could make a Frosted Flake olive banana casserole smothered in whipped cream!"

"That's disgusting, Johnny!"

"No, it's creative and less time consuming than shopping!"

Logan sighed.

"Okay, next time we have some stuff left over, I'll let you make a horrible concoction out of it, and watch you eat it."  
That shut Johnny up pretty fast.

They arrived at Fred Meyer's and Logan started dishing out orders.

"Okay, I want you guys to go get the steak, sodas, and anything else we need."

Bobby rolled his eyes.

"You're sooooo specific, Logan."

"Hey, I'm letting you guys wreak havoc, aren't I? Hup to it."

"Like, ai ai, sir!"

"Shut up, Kitty."

Bobby went down to the soda section.

"Root Beer or Seven Up?"  
"Like, what about Hawaiian Punch?"

"No."

"Bu-"

"NO."

Bobby grabbed some Seven Up. Johnny followed, muttering, and Kitty nanced beside them, saying "like" and sparking conversation about irrelevant subjects of either's interest.

While getting to the deli section of the store, they passed the pet section. Bobby blanched.

"Egads! Tidy Cat is now 8 dollars and 50 cents? Glad we don't have cats."

Johnny began to grin suddenly. He grabbed Bobby.

"Follow me!"

"Where are we going?"

They went up to the check out lines.

"We're not done shop-"

"I know, I know, hush!"

"Can I help you?"

"Um, yes. I seem to have lost my parents. May I borrow your intercom?"

Bobby hissed at him.

"This is never going to work, John-"

"Oh, poor dear. Certainly. I'm just going to the restroom really fast. Take your time."

"Thank you," he looked at her name tag. "Janice…"

Jancie walked off.

"John, this is crazy!"

"Watch." He turned on the intercom.

"Um, yes. Excuse me? I have a question for all the shoppers here? We have a girl with a ponytail, pink shirt and she has a bit of a dilemna we were hoping you could help us with. You see, her name is Kitty, and well… she was wondering if she should use Tidy Cats or Everfresh?"

Bobby picked up on what he was doing. He grabbed the intercom.

"And if she should use the little crystals that absorb moisture? Your help is appreciated. If you have any suggestions, she's standing over near the cat toy section. Thank you."

Both burst out laughing as little old lady's and people trying to help swarmed around a flustered Kitty who was actually in the cat toy section.

"I find that the crystals do help, dearie."

"Don't use Tidy Cats! It's so expensive!"

"Depends, what kind of cat do you have?"

They paid for their items, and left pretty fast. Perhaps a little too fast seeing as Logan high tailed some man's Chrystler Eagle in the process of leaving. From then on, the joke as that wolverine's disliked American Bald Eagles….

**I thought that was remotely funny.**

Me too! Until next time ppl, R&R, pls!


End file.
